Regarding adult babies and littles who say this isn't roleplaying.

I responded to someone who brought this up. I don't think they were claiming it themselves, but it is something that when I hear people say it I really don't understand what they are saying. My guess is it is just a different understanding of language. Some might not consider it "politically correct" for me to question this, but I'm not telling people what to do with their lives or pretend that I know more about other people's lives than they do themselves. I simply think it is an issue of language and want to write my opinion on this. Here is what I wrote on youtube.

Well, I know some people say it isn't roleplaying or a  role but I don't really understand what they mean by that. In psychology it is understood that people, everyone, has different roles that they present throughout the day. There is the role you present when you are at work, another when you are with your friends, or with your family etc. etc. I think this is just one more role that we play in our lives, just one that is very special to us.

Now, all these roles that we present in our day to day lives may be distinct, but they are a projection of our personality, something that is unique to each of us. A role is the part of us that we present at each moment of the day. In this sense we are always playing a role. When we are "roleplaying" we are just making a more conscious effort to present a specific or idealized role.

As I write that I think I realize why people might have a problem with the words role and roleplaying. I guess many people associate these words with acting or pretending to be something you're not. One thing I would say to that is that words can have more than one meaning. The other is that to a certain extent we ARE pretending to be something that we are not. The fact is that we are adults first, and being adult babies (or adult littles) is just one of many parts of our lives. Remember the saying that you can't be an adult baby without first being an adult.

ABs who live as babies 24/7 are extremely rare. ABs who wear diapers (and are not incontinent) are fairly rare but people actually live it as an actual lifestyle are almost nonexistent. Just about all of us have the regular, normal, day to day issues of adult life as everyone else in the world. We go to work, we pay our bills, take care of our adult responsibilities as well as adult hobbies and outside interests. Being an adult baby is only a part of our lives, even if it is our very favorite part, and part of having a well balanced life. If you are going to claim otherwise then that implies the alternative, that your life is out of balance. I think we all know that this is not true in most cases.

Look I understand that sometimes it feels more you are a little kid that is pretending to be an adult than the other way around. The fact is that most of us are quite capable of being responsible adults when we need to be or when we want to be. That is the difference between Adult Babies and people with arrested development. Language can be confusing when words have more than one meaning. I don't want to insult anyone, tell them what to do or who they really are. I am just suggesting that you be careful with the words you use and their multiple meanings, especially when interacting with vanillas who may be critical of us.

Dan Savage on Fetishes and Kink etc. in general

If you don't read Savage Love you might want to give it a try. At the very least I find it entertaining, and it is interesting reading about all the strange fantasies some people have. There are a lot of things he has to say about other fetishes etc. that would be of interest to Adult Babies. I thought I would create an entry for these quotes, and I will update when I come across more.



May 22, 2013

You love your new wife, she loves you, you're both GGG—it all sounds so good, so functional, especially compared to your nightmarish first marriage. Congrats. But you held your two biggest kinks back from the new woman in your life, PUNT, and now you're sweating the reveal because the stakes are so high. This is precisely why I urge people to lay those kink cards on the table early. The longer you wait, the more emotionally invested you become in the relationship, the higher the stakes. Because what if your kinks aren't just things your second wife isn't interested in exploring, PUNT, but attraction-killers?

...

Pro tip: Nervous kinksters can screw up indirect here-are-two-things-some-people-do conversations by telegraphing disgust. Someone who's into rubber says, "Isn't it weird how some people get off on wearing rubber clothes and gas masks?" The non-kinky partner picks up on the word "weird" and responds with, "Yeah, that rubber stuff is fucked up." If you set a negative tone, your wife is likely to pick up on that. So keep your reactions—at the drag club, during the porn—as neutral as possible.

May 15, 2013

Here's what you need to tell your boyfriend: "Vaginal intercourse without consent is rape, but vaginal intercourse with consent is sex. You can wrap your head around that, right? So you should be able to wrap your head around this: Spanking someone without consent is assault, but spanking someone with consent is sexy. And you're going to spank me right now, with my consent, and it's going to be hot."

April 24, 2013

No problem here. I'm a straight 36-year-old guy. My wife has always been great about my kinks—some femdom role play, OTK spankings, D/s three-ways—so when she announced at age 34 that she had a kink of her own, I regarded it as my mission to make it happen. We just got back from a trip to see a safe and trustworthy friend in Los Angeles who "paid" me to have sex with my wife. When it was over, she kept saying how much she loved me for being the person who made her paid-for-sex fantasy come true. People who stand in the way of their partner's fantasies don't realize what they're depriving themselves of—so much love and gratitude!

Some people are turned on by completely random shit, LHTB, and no one quite knows why. Probably something to do with our big brains—just think of all those billions of nerve endings, all those synapses making connections, all those formative childhood experiences getting all synapsed up and becoming adult erotic obsessions. Think of all that, and then count your lucky stars that studying turns you on. It could've been worse.

 April 17, 2013

 She's going to have to give you more information, AARP, and you're going to have to let go of the notion that being the Dom means not asking questions. A dominant's first job—before a role-play scene begins, before anyone gets tied up—is to ask questions and find out what his submissive wants to experience. The trick is to give her what she wants while building in small surprises and gradually, over time, pushing into new territories together.

 April 3, 2013

Normal? No, most men don't fantasize about their wives sprouting penises, CBH, so your fantasy isn't normative. But no one's sexual fantasy is. Fantasies are subjective and personal. Some are more common than others—a desire to be spanked, for instance—but even the most common sexual fantasies appeal only to small subsets of people.

March 27, 2013

Give yourself permission to do it "wrong," ANT. I don't mean "wrong" in the accidentally-injure-or-kill-the-boyfriend sense of doing BDSM wrong. I mean "wrong" in the go-your-own-way sense. You'll be less nervous about topping if you relax and give yourself permission to be yourself, i.e., nervous and inexperienced, a little awkward in your new role. Remember: You don't have to be the perfect snarling dominatrix the very first time you pick up a crop. You don't have to be a snarling dominatrix ever, ANT, if that's not who you want to be. Check out the wonderful Beyond the Valley of the FemDoms—beyondthevalleyofthefemdoms.tumblr.com—for some insight on being your own dominant woman, not some FemDom porn cliché. Good luck!

January 2, 2013

I have been treated badly in several past relationships. I am now in a great one, but I have a hard time believing/trusting that nothing bad will happen. How can I get over this dread?

Something bad is going to happen—believe it. Hopefully the bad that happens won't be as bad as the bad you experienced in the past relationships—no physical or emotional violence, no unforgivable betrayals, nothing that requires you to end this relationship—but your new partner will behave badly toward you at some point. And you will behave badly toward your new partner. There's some bad even in the best relationships. You'll experience less dread if you can accept that.

 December 26, 2012

When you're feeling like the third wheel, SUB, it's because you're probably functioning as the third wheel. While first and second wheels can make an effort to prevent thirds from feeling like the thirds they are, thirds that make a decision to roll elsewhere generally wind up feeling better.

 

Putting Away Childish Things

I noticed on a video that someone wrote "God tells me to put away childish things." This is something that I have seen before. I wrote a new comment rather than a reply because her comment is over a month old.

When someone makes a religious argument I generally feel it is a red herring to argue about religion. I live in the United States where our constitution explicitly protects religious freedom. You are free to believe whatever you want to believe but I am under no obligations to agree with you or follow your religion. For instance, if I am not a Muslim I do not have to follow their religious rules. That is not saying it is bad to be Muslim, it is just not my religion if I am not a Muslim.

This particular argument, however, brings up the fact that even within specific religions there are multiple interpretations of that religion. I also find it funny when people think the problem with Adult Babies is that they are not Christian, when the fact is the majority of Adult Babies in the United States ARE Christians, and there are multiple forums just for Christian Adult Babies.

As I am anonymous I am not going to disclose my beliefs here. I think the following quote from CS Lewis is a very good one. I have seen it paraphrased many times but the full quote is even better, and I think it can be appreciated by Adult Babies of any religious persuasion.

Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.

Are fetishes sexual?

Here is something I just wrote in a youtube video. I like the way it came out. I really need to expand it though. It is tough to express a complex and still coherent thought in 500 characters.

Hard data is difficult to come by, but what does exists suggests that most fetishes develop before puberty. A fetish is just something weird that makes you happy. It is not that the fetish object is "sexy" but that being happy increases your libido. For vanillas as well as kinky folks, this might include dancing or walking on the beach or eating foods they enjoy.

When a person grows older they might or might not incorporate sexual activities into their fetish.

ABDL Origins

(Someone on youtube asked me to explain why people become ABDL. This is my reply.)

I've been meaning to write more extensively on this, and I'll let you know when I do, but I'll give you the short version now.

It is difficult if not impossible to say why someone becomes an ABDL. Many ABDLs attribute certain life events to it, but there is no way to tell if things had been different that they would not be an ABDL anyway.

There are many reasons that individuals give for their ABDL origins, and one person's origin story might be the opposite of another.

There are a fair number of people who had problems with bedwetting or even pants wetting. Some of these people were forced to wear diapers because of this, others wanted to wear diapers as a sensible means of protection, but were not allowed to do so.

Some people were envious of the attention a younger sibling received. Others were the "baby" of the family. Some were forced to grow up too quickly, and others were over sheltered. Some came from abusive homes, and some had typical, happy childhoods.

Part of what I would like to research is why do people get fetishes in general. From what I read on Wikipedia, most fetishes develop in early childhood. Assuming this is true you would expect fetishes to develop for objects and circumstances that are normally encountered by young children. For example, young children crawl around on the floor all the time, and feet and shoe fetishes are two of the most common fetishes.

Addressing the question of "Why do we like this?" and Mental Health

I've been wanting to write more about the psychology behind adult babies. This is a subject that is way to complicated for youtube comments. It would probably be a series of blog posts. I've been meaning to dig out my old psychology textbooks, but life is just too busy.

I just made 3 posts in reply to the last post of someone from a week ago. He questions our mental health but does not seem hostile and seems to understand that he has no facts to back up how he feels. I think he genuinely wants to understand what is going on in our heads. He just feels that there must be something wrong.

I thought the discussion got more interesting when he question if an AB would still be an AB after twenty years. At this point I am only going to post my comments and let you read between the lines to figure out what they wrote.

There are a lot of adult babies out there and different ABs give many different answers to the question why they are an AB. Assuming that an individual does attribute their fetish to a traumatic event there is no way to tell for sure if things had been different that they would have turned out AB anyway. And nearly all ABs who have psychological issues remain adult babies after they have resolved those issues.

 There are exceptions, but for the most part yes. I've been doing this for almost 20 years. I have AB friends who are in their 60s who have been doing this longer than I have, and I once saw an AB at a convention that had to be in his 80s. This is just something that some people really enjoy doing. This isn't any more likely to change than someone who enjoys certain genres of music or literature. Would you expect any different from people with other kinks such as people who enjoy spanking?

part 1 - This is a difficult issue to understand. There is not enough room in youtube comments to explain it adequately. I appreciate that you have been civil in your replies to my comments. I also appreciate the fact that many people get an uncomfortable feeling when they first learn about this fetish. You are having an emotional reaction and that is not something that you can control. This is why I try to stick to the facts.

part 2 - Your instincts are telling you that there is something wrong, but instincts can be wrong. Conc0rdance has a good video on this called "Common Sense Is Worthless in Science"
Assessing someone's mental health is a medical claim. It needs to be looked at scientifically with real world evidence, not simply declaring that someone is crazy after watching a "Reality TV" show. Unless you can provide evidence, you cannot rightly claim that there is a problem with someone's sanity.

part 3 - Curiosity is something to be admired. Asking questions is a good thing. I think that you actually are interested in real answers.
Why do people like this? The answer is complicated and in fact there are different answers for different people. Another question is why do people like anything?
It is more complicated than this but there are areas of the brain that when they light up you are happy. Any number of things can stimulate these areas and this varies from person to person.

I re-wrote the middle of part 2. Here is what I first wrote and then changed to medical claim and science:

If you are going to question a person's mental health, you have to have real world facts to support your claim that there is something wrong such as they are "a threat to themselves or others."

I liked this but felt that what I replaced it with was more in line with the idea of common sense vs science.

How to deal with trolls