Embrace the word Weird

There are some ABDLs who are offended by the word weird. I've said it before and I'll say it again, there is nothing inherently wrong with the word weird. Weird just means different. Something that is different might be right or wrong, but it's being different is not relevant to it being right or wrong.

 In my observations most ABDLs and most Kinky people are pretty normal outside their kinks. I think of people in general most people have something about them that is different, that is weird. In fact, if someone was completely normal I think that would actually be really weird. It's not normal to be completely normal. Having interests that make you stand out is essential to having a well rounded personality in my opinion. I think we should embrace the word weird. Besides, we wear diapers and act like babies. While there is nothing wrong with that I think it is absurd to call it normal.

Anyway, here is a video from a weirdo who as far as I know is not an ABDL:

[VLOG] I'm a Weirdo!

How Bronies deal with Criticism

For maybe a year I noticed pony pictures in ABDL forums and wondered why people were into them. Then I actually watched the show and it is actually pretty good. What surprised me most of all was that the fandom is even more interesting than the show. Riley mentioned in one of her videos that she went to My Little Pony conventions and I thought it was just people buying vintage toys. Why do you even need to go to a convention for that? Can't you just buy them online? Now I know that there is a lot more to their community than cheap plastic toys.

What impresses me the most about bronies is the way they deal with haters. The fandom was born on 4chan so the first generation of bronies was quite familiar with trolling. Many of them had done their fair share of trolling themselves, so they are resistant to giving in to trolls. The trick is to not give a fuck. Much of the hate directed at Bronies is similar to what ABDLs might see from time to time. The brony fandom has grown since the early days, and the neophytes need education in the ways of trolling. Here is an interesting video that tries to explain to the newbies what the real deal is. I think it is good advice that ABDLs should take to heart.

 How to Brony: Dealing with Criticism

Why Do I Like Spanking Fetish?

Two blog posts in one day. Anyway, here is a long comment that I wrote to a youtube video on spanking.

  Why Do I Like Spanking Fetish?

I have observed a strong correlation between spanking and ageplay. Not everyone into spanking is into ageplay, but it is quite common for people into spanking to also want to dress up like or roleplay as a child.

As for why a person has an interest in spanking, it is going to depend on the individual. Like other fetishes I think that for many people it is an extension of childhood obsessions. Even if you were never spanked as a child, most likely you had friends that were, and even threatened with spankings by teachers, babysitters, and other parents. We also live in a culture with media saturation. Growing up I remember references to spanking in many cartoons, tv shows, movies, books etc. A cartoon that is of particular interest to Adult Babies is the Tom and Jerry film Baby Puss.

Would we still be spankos or littles if we had not been exposed to media such as this? There is no way to know for sure. There is also a question of are we the way we are because of these cartoons etc., or are they only remarkable to us because we are spankos or littles?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_Puss_%28film%29

Baby Puss

Adult Babies as Roleplaying

Just wrote this for youtube. I like the longer comments of the new comment system. Other aspects of it are confusing.

One of the great things about being an adult is that, within reason, you can do pretty much anything you want in your spare time. Some adults like roleplaying. There are many different kinds of roleplaying such as Teacher/Student, Slave/Master, Plumber/Housewife, and Doctor/Patient. Ageplay is just another form of roleplaying. Most people into this are more interested in playing a role younger than their true age but someone playing as a person older than themselves would also fall under the definition of ageplay. Adult Babies are simply people who like to do roleplaying as an infant or toddler. We don't need to grow up. We are grown up. We have jobs and responsibilities just like other adults. Just because you are grown up doesn't mean you have to act like it non-stop 24/7.

http://xkcd.com/150/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_roleplay

What An Adult Baby Wants

It seems rather silly for me to give a shoutout when I don't have any followers but maybe someday I will get some followers. Anyway, there is a youtuber who goes by the name of Baby Mitchy and he has some fantastic ABDL videos. Check him out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dE644XfHfHI

Video Scavenger Hunt has dozens of people acting like Babies

If I understand it correctly, Gishwhes is a sort of video scavenger hunt where you are given a number of scenarios and in order to claim each item you have to act out the scenario and post it to youtube. Item #97 of the 2013 Gishwhes is to go through a drive thru with one of your teammates dressed up and acting like a baby in the back seat. Because of this there are now a ton of videos of people doing this on youtube. Some people do it better than others but some of them really get into it.

Roleplaying as a part time activity VS. the Bifurcation Fallacy

A common mistake I see among those who criticize ABDLs is they seem to think that ABDLs spend all of their free time, or even all of their time, in baby mode. To someone that has any experience with ABDLs this is a ridiculous concept. I think that they are basing this assumption on bifurcation or a false dilemma where a person can act like a baby, or they can act like an adult, but they can't do both and they can't switch between the two at will. It reminds me of another concept I see expressed from time to time that ABDLs supposed think that we really are babies. Adult babies understand that they are adults roleplaying as children. We are not deluded to thinking that we are actual physical children. It is just something we enjoy doing, just one thing out of many that we might enjoy in life. Most of us are not willing to sacrifice everything else we enjoy in life to do this one thing even if it is our favorite thing in the world to do.

Back to my first point. Why do people assume that if someone is an adult baby that they must be in baby mode 24/7/365? The logistics alone of doing this is absurd. Let's say that there are 500k ABs in the United States. I have no data to back that number up but I think that it is a good guess. Of those how many could even afford to not have a job? 1%? So that leaves you with 5000 people who could afford to go without working at a job. Most of those are not entirely without other responsibilities. You might be financially independent but you still have to manage your investments, pay your bills, do the grocery shopping, clean your home. etc. etc. (Some ABs want to be a french maid who is "forced" to wear diapers and clean the house daily but they are a small minority, and most of those making these absurd assumptions don't even know that baby-maids exist.)

OK, so how many adult babies out there are so rich that they can pay people to take care of absolutely all of their needs such that they literally don't have a care in the world, as well as pay someone to play mommy or daddy for them? (There are many people out there that Good, Giving, and Game for playing the caretaker role to an adult baby or adult little, but doing that non-stop 24/7, even someone that was into playing the caretaker role would get tired of it after a while.) I would guess that there are 25 people in the USA who are both adult babies and could financially afford to live the fantasy of acting and being treated like a baby 24/7. Now of those 25 people how likely is it that, like someone playing their caretaker, they themselves would get bored of roleplaying after a while? Most likely all of them would get bored.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: You can't be an adult baby without first being an adult. Outside of their ABDL interests ABDLs are pretty normal. Even of those who take pride in being weirdos they are still complicated human beings with multiple interests in life.

I invest my money with the goal of being financially independent but this should be the goal of everyone, not just adult babies. I'm looking forward to an early retirement but when that happens I want more from life than to just sit around in diapers watching cartoons and playing with my mommy. I want to travel and see not only the country but the world. I love going out dancing and having fun with other adults in an adult setting. I would like to learn to play a musical instrument, and learn to paint, and to write poetry, and I don't care if I suck at all of them the fun is in the doing. I want to grasp at life with both hands and experience all it has to offer. Life is too short and too precious to spend it doing just one thing even if it is my favorite thing in the world.

I enjoy playing video games too. Granted some people spend way too much of their time playing video games, but they are a minority. Most people who play video games do not let it consume all of their free time let alone quit their jobs so they can play video games more. It would be a false dilemma to say you can either do nothing but play video games all the time or not play them at all. Adult Babies are the same way. It is just one out of many things we do with our lives.

If you actually think you are a baby, or you have absolutely no interests in life outside of adult baby roleplaying then I would say something is wrong. If that is the case you probably should seek psychological help. Maybe if you actually had the chance to be in baby mode for a couple of months you would get bored and realize that there is more to life than roleplaying. The fact remains that most adult babies don't even desire this and it is absurd for people to suggest it.

How to Survive 4 Types of Troll Attacks

http://nerdsnfurs.wordpress.com/a-hyperlinkers-guide-to-the-internet/how-to-survive-4-types-of-troll-attacks/

Most of these don't really apply to ABDL issues, but it is good for people in general to understand what is going on with trolling. Simply put they are trying to fool you. They find it entertaining to upset people. If you don't get upset then they have failed to troll you. This is why if you have good reason to believe someone is a troll the best thing to do is ignore them. It is also why getting politically correct is the worst possible thing you can do.

I don't always follow my own advice. Why is this OK? Well, it isn't. If I have an advantage it is that I understand that I am an idiot. Everyone who posts comments to youtube is an idiot. That includes me, and if you post comments to youtube it includes you. There are no exceptions. The sooner you understand this the better off you will be.

Maybe you think it is fun to play with the trolls. I just want them to leave us alone. If you play with the trolls or express in comments that you are upset then you are feeding them. Just leave them alone and they will find another target.

If you aren't sure that someone is a troll and you want to address what they have written in comments remember who your audience is. Your audience is not the person you are responding to. Your audience is other people on youtube reading the comments. You don't care about changing the mind of the person you are responding to. You are apathetic to their opinion. You are simply and unemotionally correcting their misinformation. If you have any doubts about the comment you are about to post always remember that you are an idiot, but it is OK because everyone is an idiot.

Correlation, Causation, and assuming childhoood abuse in ABDLs

I don't think I blogged about this before but I might have reposted some youtube comments. Anyway, this is a subject that comes up frequently in youtube discussions of ABDLs. Someone will assume that a specific ABDL or even ABDLs in general developed our fetish because of childhood abuse. Many will also conclude from their assumption that this means that ABDL is a form of mental illness. There are several things wrong with this.

While there are many ABDLs that were abused as children there are also many ABDLs who were not abused and had relatively normal childhoods. There is no evidence that the population of ABDLs experienced abuse at a greater frequency than the general population. That which is claimed without evidence can be dismissed without evidence. Also, if being ABDL is caused by abuse then why are there ABDLs who did not experience abuse?

When you are talking about a specific ABDL who did experience abuse they will often attribute the abuse to their becoming an ABDL. Maybe it is true but the fact is that we don't really know. It is an assumption. There is know way to know how things would have turned out if they had not been abused. It is possible that they would be an ABDL even if they were not abused.

Some ABDLs have problems with mental illness but again there is no evidence that the frequency of mental illness is greater among ABDLs than the general population. When you are talking about a specific ABDL with mental illness this is a medical issue. They should consult with a medical professional. Medical professionals are human and capable of making mistakes so you have to find a doctor or a therapist who is good for you. It is important that people with issues get help from medical professionals with whom they meet in person rather than random unqualified idiots on youtube who diagnose people with mental illness based on nothing more than their own assumptions.

The fact is that when an ABDL with mental health issues gets help from medical professionals resolves their issues they nearly always retain their ABDL desires. The do gooders of youtube think that mental health means being normal, but normal is relative and subjective. I think it is important to look at mental health objectively. The first threshold for this is answering the question "Are you a threat to others or yourself." The second threshold is are you functional. That is to say are you functional in everyday life? This breaks down to: Are you able to maintain a job or income? Are you taking care of your physical health with a good diet and exercise? Do you have a secure, clean and well maintained home? Do you pay your bills on time? Are you social and able to relate to other people?



Youtube comment I wrote that inspired this blog post:

Some adult babies experienced abuse when they were children. Some did not. There is no evidence to suggest that adult babies experienced childhood abuse at a greater frequency than the general population.
Also, even if she was abused as a child you would be making the post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy. (correlation does not imply causation)

More on ABDL origins

Here is a comment I just posted. I'm a bit tired right now but I might want to expand on it later.

Fetishes are a complicated subject. While there is no conclusive evidence, circumstantial evidence suggests that fetishes develop in early childhood long before puberty. Therefore, like the majority of adult babies, Riley probably had an interest in diapers long before she tried wearing them at 13. It is more a matter of that was the first time she both had the opportunity and the courage to act on her desires. Some ABs experimented with diapers at a younger age, and some waited until adulthood.

STOP LIKING THINGS I DON'T LIKE!!!!!

One of the biggest problems that people who criticize ABDLs have with us is that this is something that does not appeal to them, and they figure if they don't like it then other people shouldn't like it either. If you are responding to critics, try to recognize when this is the case and point it out.


Amusing video explaining this. And then I notice another video that is also amusing in this same theme.

Here is a comment I wrote in response to a video like this:

There are many men and women who do adult baby roleplaying. They don't need to grow up. They are grown up. Most Adult Babies have jobs and responsibilities just like all other adults. This is just something that we do in our spare time for fun.
If you don't like the idea of people doing this that is fine, you don't have to like it. But if you expect people to not do something they enjoy simply because you would not enjoy doing it yourself then you are incredibly immature.

Don't put down other people when defending ABDLs

Someone wrote a comment saying that our fetish is "100% harmless" and then implies that BDSM is harmful. Here is how I replied:

Nothing in life is 100% harmless. That's why some people prefer the motto of Risk Aware Consensual Kink over Safe Sane and Consensual, although I often prefer to use SSC because RACK can be too complicated to explain to vanillas.

It is both unnecessary and a fallacy to put other people down when explaining that this is just a harmless fetish. The BDSM scene has become accepting of ABDLs in recent years, and there is crossover as well.

I wanted to write more but didn't have much room because of the limits of youtube comments. I'm pretty sure I've written about the fallacy of moral relativism in the past in this blog. I've certainly done a lot of it in youtube comments. It is a fallacy because just about anything a person might do you could think of something that is worse and say "at least I'm not doing this." Not only is it a bad argument logically, but emotionally it puts you on the defensive and it implies that there actually is something wrong with ABDL activities.

But this comment kind of pisses me off. It seems like backstabbing to me. Yes there is some risk in BDSM, but as I said there is risk in everything you do in life. If you wanted a life without risk you couldn't cross the street. Bathtubs kill 340 people each year, are you going to stop taking baths?

I've seen ABDLs do this before, both in public forums and ABDL forums. How do they not see the irony of putting down other kinks and fetishes when advocating for tolerance of their own? At the very least I think it is very rude.

edit 2

(Then I reread the comment I posted to youtube and realize I should have said "this is just a *mostly* harmless fetish.")

edit 3

On the exact same video a different person wrote a comment defaming people into BDSM, with my comment at the top. Here is how I responded:

I just addressed this less than a week ago. You don't have to put down other people or activities to show that ABDL stuff is mostly harmless. That is an appeal to moral relativism and a fallacy. The benign nature of ABDLs stand on their own regardless of what one might otherwise do.

Also, there are some ABDLs that are also into BDSM so in your failed attempt to defend ABDLs you are actually insulting many of them. Both ABDL and BDSM are mostly harmless activities.

Kinky people have better mental health than everyone else

I find this from an article posted on io9.com

(DSM5) does not list BDSM as a disorder, and instead refers to the practice as a paraphilia, or unusual sexual fixation.

Either way, studies have failed to link BDSM and other kinks with psychological problems, so some psychiatrists see the manual's inclusion of the practices as a bit stigmatizing, according to LiveScience.

 Which refers to an article on livescience.com

The new results reveal that on a basic level, BDSM practitioners don't appear to be more troubled than the general population. They were more extroverted, more open to new experiences and more conscientious than vanilla participants; they were also less neurotic, a personality trait marked by anxiety. BDSM aficionados also scored lower than the general public on rejection sensitivity, a measure of how paranoid people are about others disliking them.

 The original study was published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine and you can read the abstract for free online. You have to be a member to read the actual article, but if you live near a university you might be able to find the article in a science library.

Now this study isn't on ABDLs specifically, and I am skeptical of online questionnaires, but it does seem interesting. It's also important to point out that there are no studies supporting the idea that Adult Babies specifically, or kinky people in general, have a higher rate of mental illness, let alone that we are somehow all insane. Yet it is quite easy to find people that insist that we are all insane with nothing more to back that claim up then their say so.

Six Things You Should Never Do On Social Media

The context of running a business is much different from Adult Baby advocacy, but I think the advice given in this article is good advice for anyone on the internet. I recommend everyone read the whole article. It is actually very entertaining, but the advice is worth gold.

Here are the bullet points:

1. Don’t Reply To Everyone
2. Don’t Respond to Trolls
3. Don’t React Right Away
4. Reddit is Not for the Weak
5. Don’t Insult People
6. Learn When To Walk Away
7. Don’t lie     

Don't rush to judgement or attack people

(I think I had a better title for what I am going to write here, but it will due for now.)

Besides the comments from Haters, quite often comments from ABDLs themselves will bother me. The Tyra interview is a good example. Now, I don't know the woman who went on the Tyra show. Maybe she did actually have a bad experience, but that's not the way I see it. I think it was more or less an impartial interview. Some people even get upset that Tyra is asking her questions. It is an interview people, of course the host is going to ask her questions. To a certain extent I can understand how people can get a bad impression from Tyra. She has an imposing manner and body language. But anyone who has watched a significant amount of Tyra's shows would know that Tyra is like that all the time. Some people are also put off by the opening statement "How freaky are we" and complain that Tyra is calling Adult Babies freaks. But let us examine that phrase again. "How freaky are we." The phrase is being used inclusively not exclusively. "How freaky are we" includes everyone. She is saying everyone is freaky in their own way and that's not a bad thing.

My next example is from a woman who made a youtube reaction video after seeing Riley's My Strange Addiction episode. In this case she actually was making an anti-AB rant when she made this video. However, she had a change of heart. That's right, after making the video she had time to think about the situation and she realized that she had been wrong and was not only brave enough to admit it, but she was brave enough to leave the video up. This is a good thing. It shows that people can change their mind on this subject and I hold her in high praise for doing so.

If you read the description to the video she explains this, but she still gets many very negative comments from ABDLs and their supporters. I would advise people avoid being negative when posting comments to youtube in general. I can't tell you what to do but I have explained why in this blog before. You are not going to win anyone over to tolerance by being negative. Anyone who is impressed by negativity is a lost cause in the first place. If someone is going to be persuaded to live and let live they will be persuaded by logic and reason. That goes double if you are going to go in writing comments half-cocked without reading the video's description, to say nothing about actually watching the whole video and reading other comments first. If you cannot bother to understand the full context of the video, and at least the recent history of what people have already written, you should not be posting comments to that video.

Before I move on to my next example I would like to point out a very positive reaction video a woman made after watching The 15 Stone Babies. I don't have much to say about it. Just watch it. It is a great video and it shows that not everyone is going to have a bad first impression of ABDLs.

Speaking of The 15 Stone Babies, there was a fairly short video posted to youtube that has since been deleted that looked like it contained unused footage from that documentary. There was a comment that claimed to be one of the couple in the video that said they were not told that that particular video was going to be posted. There was a reaction video from a popular youtube channel I'm not going to bother linking to because neither the video itself, nor most of the comments it gets, has anything intelligent enough to make it worth responding to.

There was another reaction video that seemed to be plagiarizing the first reaction video, but there was also yet another reaction video that was more or less neutral. I can see a lot of Adult Babies jumping to the conclusion that he is being negative towards us. His first impression is WTF, but really, if someone has never heard of Adult Babies before, it is understandable for a person to be thrown off guard. I posted a comment addressing some of the questions he posed in his video and he replied back thanking me with a live and let live attitude towards ABDLs. I call that a win.

If, on the other hand, some ABDL had posted comments attacking him I could see that going the other way around. That's why I ask if you are going to interact with vanillas on youtube or elsewhere that you try to be positive about it and not attack people. Try to see the good in people and give them the benefit of the doubt that they might be persuaded by logic and reason. 

Regarding adult babies and littles who say this isn't roleplaying.

I responded to someone who brought this up. I don't think they were claiming it themselves, but it is something that when I hear people say it I really don't understand what they are saying. My guess is it is just a different understanding of language. Some might not consider it "politically correct" for me to question this, but I'm not telling people what to do with their lives or pretend that I know more about other people's lives than they do themselves. I simply think it is an issue of language and want to write my opinion on this. Here is what I wrote on youtube.

Well, I know some people say it isn't roleplaying or a  role but I don't really understand what they mean by that. In psychology it is understood that people, everyone, has different roles that they present throughout the day. There is the role you present when you are at work, another when you are with your friends, or with your family etc. etc. I think this is just one more role that we play in our lives, just one that is very special to us.

Now, all these roles that we present in our day to day lives may be distinct, but they are a projection of our personality, something that is unique to each of us. A role is the part of us that we present at each moment of the day. In this sense we are always playing a role. When we are "roleplaying" we are just making a more conscious effort to present a specific or idealized role.

As I write that I think I realize why people might have a problem with the words role and roleplaying. I guess many people associate these words with acting or pretending to be something you're not. One thing I would say to that is that words can have more than one meaning. The other is that to a certain extent we ARE pretending to be something that we are not. The fact is that we are adults first, and being adult babies (or adult littles) is just one of many parts of our lives. Remember the saying that you can't be an adult baby without first being an adult.

ABs who live as babies 24/7 are extremely rare. ABs who wear diapers (and are not incontinent) are fairly rare but people actually live it as an actual lifestyle are almost nonexistent. Just about all of us have the regular, normal, day to day issues of adult life as everyone else in the world. We go to work, we pay our bills, take care of our adult responsibilities as well as adult hobbies and outside interests. Being an adult baby is only a part of our lives, even if it is our very favorite part, and part of having a well balanced life. If you are going to claim otherwise then that implies the alternative, that your life is out of balance. I think we all know that this is not true in most cases.

Look I understand that sometimes it feels more you are a little kid that is pretending to be an adult than the other way around. The fact is that most of us are quite capable of being responsible adults when we need to be or when we want to be. That is the difference between Adult Babies and people with arrested development. Language can be confusing when words have more than one meaning. I don't want to insult anyone, tell them what to do or who they really are. I am just suggesting that you be careful with the words you use and their multiple meanings, especially when interacting with vanillas who may be critical of us.

Dan Savage on Fetishes and Kink etc. in general

If you don't read Savage Love you might want to give it a try. At the very least I find it entertaining, and it is interesting reading about all the strange fantasies some people have. There are a lot of things he has to say about other fetishes etc. that would be of interest to Adult Babies. I thought I would create an entry for these quotes, and I will update when I come across more.



May 22, 2013

You love your new wife, she loves you, you're both GGG—it all sounds so good, so functional, especially compared to your nightmarish first marriage. Congrats. But you held your two biggest kinks back from the new woman in your life, PUNT, and now you're sweating the reveal because the stakes are so high. This is precisely why I urge people to lay those kink cards on the table early. The longer you wait, the more emotionally invested you become in the relationship, the higher the stakes. Because what if your kinks aren't just things your second wife isn't interested in exploring, PUNT, but attraction-killers?

...

Pro tip: Nervous kinksters can screw up indirect here-are-two-things-some-people-do conversations by telegraphing disgust. Someone who's into rubber says, "Isn't it weird how some people get off on wearing rubber clothes and gas masks?" The non-kinky partner picks up on the word "weird" and responds with, "Yeah, that rubber stuff is fucked up." If you set a negative tone, your wife is likely to pick up on that. So keep your reactions—at the drag club, during the porn—as neutral as possible.

May 15, 2013

Here's what you need to tell your boyfriend: "Vaginal intercourse without consent is rape, but vaginal intercourse with consent is sex. You can wrap your head around that, right? So you should be able to wrap your head around this: Spanking someone without consent is assault, but spanking someone with consent is sexy. And you're going to spank me right now, with my consent, and it's going to be hot."

April 24, 2013

No problem here. I'm a straight 36-year-old guy. My wife has always been great about my kinks—some femdom role play, OTK spankings, D/s three-ways—so when she announced at age 34 that she had a kink of her own, I regarded it as my mission to make it happen. We just got back from a trip to see a safe and trustworthy friend in Los Angeles who "paid" me to have sex with my wife. When it was over, she kept saying how much she loved me for being the person who made her paid-for-sex fantasy come true. People who stand in the way of their partner's fantasies don't realize what they're depriving themselves of—so much love and gratitude!

Some people are turned on by completely random shit, LHTB, and no one quite knows why. Probably something to do with our big brains—just think of all those billions of nerve endings, all those synapses making connections, all those formative childhood experiences getting all synapsed up and becoming adult erotic obsessions. Think of all that, and then count your lucky stars that studying turns you on. It could've been worse.

 April 17, 2013

 She's going to have to give you more information, AARP, and you're going to have to let go of the notion that being the Dom means not asking questions. A dominant's first job—before a role-play scene begins, before anyone gets tied up—is to ask questions and find out what his submissive wants to experience. The trick is to give her what she wants while building in small surprises and gradually, over time, pushing into new territories together.

 April 3, 2013

Normal? No, most men don't fantasize about their wives sprouting penises, CBH, so your fantasy isn't normative. But no one's sexual fantasy is. Fantasies are subjective and personal. Some are more common than others—a desire to be spanked, for instance—but even the most common sexual fantasies appeal only to small subsets of people.

March 27, 2013

Give yourself permission to do it "wrong," ANT. I don't mean "wrong" in the accidentally-injure-or-kill-the-boyfriend sense of doing BDSM wrong. I mean "wrong" in the go-your-own-way sense. You'll be less nervous about topping if you relax and give yourself permission to be yourself, i.e., nervous and inexperienced, a little awkward in your new role. Remember: You don't have to be the perfect snarling dominatrix the very first time you pick up a crop. You don't have to be a snarling dominatrix ever, ANT, if that's not who you want to be. Check out the wonderful Beyond the Valley of the FemDoms—beyondthevalleyofthefemdoms.tumblr.com—for some insight on being your own dominant woman, not some FemDom porn cliché. Good luck!

January 2, 2013

I have been treated badly in several past relationships. I am now in a great one, but I have a hard time believing/trusting that nothing bad will happen. How can I get over this dread?

Something bad is going to happen—believe it. Hopefully the bad that happens won't be as bad as the bad you experienced in the past relationships—no physical or emotional violence, no unforgivable betrayals, nothing that requires you to end this relationship—but your new partner will behave badly toward you at some point. And you will behave badly toward your new partner. There's some bad even in the best relationships. You'll experience less dread if you can accept that.

 December 26, 2012

When you're feeling like the third wheel, SUB, it's because you're probably functioning as the third wheel. While first and second wheels can make an effort to prevent thirds from feeling like the thirds they are, thirds that make a decision to roll elsewhere generally wind up feeling better.

 

Putting Away Childish Things

I noticed on a video that someone wrote "God tells me to put away childish things." This is something that I have seen before. I wrote a new comment rather than a reply because her comment is over a month old.

When someone makes a religious argument I generally feel it is a red herring to argue about religion. I live in the United States where our constitution explicitly protects religious freedom. You are free to believe whatever you want to believe but I am under no obligations to agree with you or follow your religion. For instance, if I am not a Muslim I do not have to follow their religious rules. That is not saying it is bad to be Muslim, it is just not my religion if I am not a Muslim.

This particular argument, however, brings up the fact that even within specific religions there are multiple interpretations of that religion. I also find it funny when people think the problem with Adult Babies is that they are not Christian, when the fact is the majority of Adult Babies in the United States ARE Christians, and there are multiple forums just for Christian Adult Babies.

As I am anonymous I am not going to disclose my beliefs here. I think the following quote from CS Lewis is a very good one. I have seen it paraphrased many times but the full quote is even better, and I think it can be appreciated by Adult Babies of any religious persuasion.

Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.